Being in a relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath is a painful experience. But breaking up with such a person is even more difficult and hurtful because that’s when the real battle begins.
The thing all survivors of toxic relationships have in common is that they embark on a healing journey in the period following the breakup. It’s a journey that, unfortunately, lasts a little bit longer because the survivor needs time to regain their confidence, heal their wounds, and put their life back together.
It’s also a journey during which survivors are faced with the same pressing questions. So, we’ve managed to compile a list of the top 8 frequently asked questions and offer elaborate responses in hopes of speeding up the recovery process.
So, let’s get started:
1. Why is he/she so happy with their new partner? Why wasn’t I never good enough for them?
Narcissists and psychopaths are incapable of creating healthy, meaningful relationships with anybody because they don’t know how to love truly, honestly, and deeply. They’re only interested in how they can get an advantage of you. That’s why there’s absolutely no point in thinking that they’re happy with someone else.
They don’t feel happier and more fulfilled with their new partner. Their new partner (victim) is not more loved and respected than you were. They’re not getting the special treatment you never got.
Your ex-partner most likely uses the social media to brag about how happy they are in the new relationship so as to make you jealous. They want you to think you missed your chance to be loved and idealized by them and that now they’re giving all that love to another person.
But, that’s not true. Their new partner is just their new victim who will go through the same drama, heartbreak, and pain you went through.
2. Is she/he really a psychopath or am I just saying that in order to feel better about my breakup?
It’s no wonder if you continue to doubt yourself after the breakup. You were in a relationship where you became accustomed to taking the blame for everything wrong and bad that happened in the relationship. Your ex-partner lied to, manipulated, criticized, and belittled you.
He/she didn’t allow you to stand up for yourself and call them out on their bad behavior. You were ignored whenever you tried to complain about their behavior and you weren’t allowed to show your feelings when you were hurt.
Therefore, you might be now struggling with questions, like: “If only I hadn’t said that to him/her, we would still be together.” Or you might think, “If I try to forgive him/her, maybe we’ll get back together again.”
It’s normal to have such thoughts, but, please, don’t take them seriously. Stop doubting and blaming yourself. The breakup was never your fault. You were put through a lot and the break up was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to you.
3. Is it possible for him/her to change?
They can’t change. Narcissism and psychopathy are incurable. Narcissists and psychopaths don’t think there’s anything about them that should be changed because they believe they’re superior to everyone else.
Such people don’t perceive other people as unique individuals who need and are worthy of kindness, love, and respect. They see others just as pawns that they can move along the chess board as they want.
So, never believe that they’ve changed. No matter how much you believe in miracles when it comes to this kind of toxic people – miracles don’t exist. A person who is capable of abusing you with pathological lying, belittling, gaslighting, silent treatment, and cheating can never be magically transformed into a good person.
4. What’s the difference between a narcissist and psychopath?
The real question is: Even if there’s a difference between these two, does this really matter? Because whether you dated a narcissist or a psychopath, the final result will always be the same: a long and pretty difficult healing journey after having lost your own sense of self and having your heart broken by a manipulative, lying, insensitive, cruel disordered person.
5. Don’t I need to admit and accept my role in all of this?
No. You cannot accept the blame for anyone’s awful behavior. Irrespective of whether you are too sensitive, vulnerable, naïve, insecure, or codependent, no one, absolutely no one, deserves to be abused. Disrespect, exploitation, and cruelty can never be justified.
6. Did he/she feel anything for me during the relationship?
As I said, psychopaths are incapable of experiencing pure, honest, deep emotions. They’re incapable of genuinely loving and caring about and deeply connecting with someone. Therefore, there’s no point in wondering whether they felt something for you.
Your love for them was real and profound. You showed them your vulnerable sides, trusted, and respected them. But, they never felt any of this for you. The only emotion they might have felt for you is envy because they watched you fall in love and deeply connecting with them, while they’re incapable of experiencing such feelings.
Even if they may have appeared convincing when they showed their love for you, their love wasn’t real. They just carefully observed and imitated the feelings you expressed. That’s the reason why it’s so easy for them to dump you without feeling any shame or remorse, while it takes you a long period of time to recover.
7. Why he/she didn’t end the relationship sooner?
It’s very common for survivors of toxic relationships to think why their narcissistic or psychopathic ex-partner dragged the relationship out until the bitter end. They spent months manipulating, cheating, lying to you and playing with your feelings, so it was obvious that they’d made up their mind to replace you. So, why didn’t they just ditch you?
Because they’re psychopaths. Because they want to watch you destroy yourself. They want to watch you struggle with pain and agony. They want to distort your perception of reality so that you start doubting your own logic and sanity. They want you to believe that you are a jealous, unstable, crazy person.
When they watch you suffer and beg for their attention and love, they feel satisfied and powerful.
8. Do I need to forgive him/her for my own peace of mind?
We can’t answer this question with a simple yes or no. This should be your own decision and no one else’s. Anyway, we just want you to remind you that the healing process is a lifelong journey. So, don’t expect that all your wounds will be healed when you forgive him/her.
If you decide to forgive them, make sure you don’t bring them back into your life. Forgiving them will mean that you no longer carry pain, anger, and resentment within yourself. It’ll mean you no longer hold grudges against them. So, don’t let your recovered state of peace and happiness make you think you can finally get back together with them. Do not let history repeat itself.
And if you don’t forgive them, that’s okay too. You’re the one who knows what’s best for you. After all, you can be gentle with someone and don’t hold grudges against someone without forgiveness.
Riley Cooper is a professional writer who writes informative and creative articles on topics related to various fields of study. Written with love and enthusiasm, her articles inspire readers to broaden their knowledge of the world, think and get ready to act.