I spent 4 years emotionally torturing a good man by staying with him and telling him I love you, but never fully choosing him.
I really wanted to be with him. He possessed all the qualities I’ve always looked for in a man. He was smart, beautiful, and with a great sense of humor. He was kind, compassionate, and patient. He treated me with lots of love, affection, and respect.
He could make my eyes beam with happiness and my entire body tremble at his touch. When he looked at me, my heart filled with warmth and joy I can’t find words to explain.
He was all I needed.
And I loved him. Oh, I loved him intensely. But…
Well, you know, when you’re young and not that experienced, you don’t know how to love truly and properly. When you’re young, you easily get tired of things, including people. And that was my fault.
I didn’t know how to love him the right way. I acted immaturely. Although I know what a brilliant, loving, and devoted man he was, I would often think to myself if there was another man out there who would love me better and who would be easier to love.
Oh, how stupid, how immature this was. But, I realized this too late.
As time passed, I chose him less and less. I stayed with him, but I didn’t choose him every day.
And not choosing him turned into my habit and I wasn’t even aware of it.
Instead of focusing on his virtues and merits, I only saw his weaknesses and faults. I saw his insecurities, fears, demands, jealousy, anger. And the more I focused on his bad sides, the more the gap between us widened, and I simply stopped choosing him.
And choosing him would have meant focusing and appreciating all his qualities that were the greatest gifts someone has ever given to me: his kindness and compassion, his laughter and sense of humor, his passion and comforting hugs, his companionship and loyalty.
I let his bad sides outweigh the good ones and the latter were greater in number and more important. But, I was blind, I was stupid for not seeing that.
This man really tried hard to make me choose him. But, you can’t make anyone choose you by force. They either choose you naturally and wholeheartedly or they let you go.
And now I realize how unsafe and unprotected he felt with me. He must have felt my indifference in my actions. He must have been afraid that I would leave him.
That’s the truth. I didn’t know how to appreciate and love him. That was the biggest mistake of my life.
But, don’t let yourself make the mistake I did. If you’re with someone, ask yourself why you’re choosing him/her. If you can’t find the answer right away, wait. Don’t make hasty decisions. Ask yourself the same question again the following day, week, or month. And if after too many days, your answer doesn’t come to you, then you know what you have to do – Let them go! They deserve it.
Riley Cooper is a professional writer who writes informative and creative articles on topics related to various fields of study. Written with love and enthusiasm, her articles inspire readers to broaden their knowledge of the world, think and get ready to act.