There’s no manual or book on how not to be a crappy girlfriend or boyfriend. Yes, when it comes to understanding how romantic relationships function and how they should be nurtured, we are not given any pointers.
We all want to ensure our relationships are based on trust, understanding, respect, loyalty, and of course, love. But the problem is that society has taught us to objectify and romanticize love. For example, we admire romantic love, you know – the one presented in the Hollywood movies which give us unreasonable, false expectations about love and relationships.
We’re also taught to objectify our partners, i.e. see them as an asset rather than someone with whom we can share emotional support and help each other grow.
The family atmosphere we grow up also plays an important role in the way we see love and relationships.
For example, when a person grows up in a healthy, harmonious family, with parents who teach them about real values and moral principles, and what true, unconditional love looks like, they grow into a mature, kind, and unselfish individual, and they can distinguish between genuine, healthy love and one that is toxic and damaging.
On the other hand, when a person grows up in a toxic, abusive family, with parents that constantly display unhealthy, bad habits, they end up repeating the same habits later as adults.
So, whether or not the way we perceive love and relationships has been influenced by the culture we live in or our lack of knowledge, it’s a fact that many couples break up because one or both of the partners displayed toxic habits that they considered healthy.
Are you wondering what they are? Then continue reading …
1. Blaming your partner for your own problems.
Blaming your partner for your own feelings and problems is not only bad but it’s also a sign of selfishness. For example, if you’re having a really bad day and you don’t tell anything about it to your partner, then you can’t blame them for being “unsupportive,” “insensitive,” or “distant.”
What you need to remember is that your partner can’t read your mind and that blaming them for things that are not their fault is not going to make you feel any better.
So, next time your boyfriend/ girlfriend asks you if there’s something wrong and if something is weighing you down, share your worries and problems with them instead of keeping them to yourself and suppressing your emotions.
2. Controlling your partner.
When you are in love with and committed to someone, it doesn’t mean that you have the right to limit their freedom, choose their friends or career, impose your own opinions and attitudes on them, or disrespect their personal space.
You and your significant other are together, but you need to remember that both of you have different opinions, interests, desires, and priorities. Both of you have your own lives.
Therefore, you need to make sure you give your boyfriend/girlfriend enough space to pursue their goals and passions and hang out with their friends. You have to support and encourage them to grow, and you must never interfere with their decisions and choices.
Of course, if you think that they’re displaying self-destructive behavior or maybe hang out with people that have a negative influence on them, then talk with them patiently about it.
But most importantly, let them know that you are not trying to tell them how to live their life, but that you truly care about them and don’t want anything bad to happen to them.
If you’re asking me, I’d go mad if I had to try to make things seem more pleasant or positive than they really are when calling my partner out on his bullsh*t.
So, if your partner is displaying some super irritating or bad habit that’s really getting on your nerves, or if they’ve done something that hurt you, you have to talk to them about it as it is, not beating around the bush or p*ssyfoot around them like they’re 9.
4. Keeping score of your partner’s mistakes.
Couples that are in healthy and meaningful relationships don’t count their partner’s mistakes and try to pay them back – they forgive them. They don’t keep a track of how many promises their partner has broken, how many dates they’ve canceled, or how many times they’ve said something that hurt their feelings.
So, instead of wasting your energy counting your partner’s mistakes, forgive them and forget. Work together to resolve your problems and arguments as quickly as you possibly can, and of course, refrain from digging the past.
5. Justifying your partner’s behavior.
Just because you’re in love with and committed to your partner, it doesn’t mean that you have to make excuses for their wrong and bad behaviors, or let alone blame yourself for their own mistakes and wrongdoings.
So, if your partner has said or done something that hurt your feelings, or if they often do something that makes you feel uncomfortable and upset, talk to them about it. Don’t let your feelings for them make you justify their behavior and affect your decisions. What is bad is bad and no one should put up with their partner’s bullsh*t.
6. Sharing details of your relationship with other people.
Whatever is happening between you and your partner should stay in the relationship. Talking about your relationship problems and fights to your family or friends as well as letting them influence your decisions is damaging to your relationship. It can destroy the trust between you and your partner and create confusion.
So, unless your partner is emotionally, mentally, or physically abusing you, don’t share your relationship problems with other people. Keep them within the relationship and try to solve them together with your partner.
7. Constantly asking about your partner’s whereabouts.
Constantly asking your partner to tell you where they are, what they’re doing, who they’re hanging out with, or when they’re coming home, or even asking them to give you their passwords to their accounts, is not only a toxic behavior, but it’s also a sign of lack of trust.
If you can’t trust your partner, then what’s the point in being with them? Being suspicious about everything they say or do will cause stress and unnecessary problems in your relationship.
Therefore, learn to trust your partner and avoid being controlling. When you ask them where they are and what they’re doing, make sure you sound pleasant and relaxed, not bossy.
Riley Cooper is a professional writer who writes informative and creative articles on topics related to various fields of study. Written with love and enthusiasm, her articles inspire readers to broaden their knowledge of the world, think and get ready to act.